Relationships Suck… or Do They?

I’m here to tell you no relationship is perfect. You may have seen my page, listened to my podcast, or have seen what I post on my facebook and assumed I have it all together. I want you to know that I am just like you… human. My relationships are not perfect, even with the experience and the training, I still take the time to practice what I preach. There are times in my life where I still get stuck. I want to help you remember you are only human and sometimes you have to face reality. If you’re feeling stuck, or you’re ready to throw in the towel, I want you to pause and evaluate. 

I want to tell you a story about something that happened in my relationship. Yesterday I started the day off in a great way. It was one of those days where I really did practice what I preach. I woke up in the morning and began my gratitude by saying what I am grateful for, which I try to do every single day. I got into the office and I was present, loving, and serving from my heart I was just really feeling the spirit. I ended up having a gap in my day, which is something I schedule purposely, just to regroup to ground myself. I live close to a local beach, so I went down to the beach and did my yoga and meditation. I was just really feeling blissful throughout my day and then I got home. 

My husband and I got into a conversation, which then turned into a miscommunication, which then unfortunately turned into a rather large disagreement. I ended up going from being in the most amazing blissful state of peace to immediately feeling sorry for myself, angry, sad, and wanting to just be alone. When we feel angry or sad about anything, we tend to reach a lower-level vibration energy, and what I will do in this state of mind is retreat. I don’t want to talk about anything, I don’t use all of my tools that I normally talk about. In this case it would be the tool in which we analyze how we respond to something vs. react to something, all of that just goes away. My brain, just like your brain, goes into Fight or Flight Mode. Our brains go into The Reptilian Brain state where it doesn’t want to listen to reason, it just wants to be stuck in that emotion. 

> In A Relationship And Want To Work More On You? Click Here To Join The Divorcing Gracefully & Beyond Bootcamp. 

This brought me to really thinking about the fact that you can do all the work on yourself, and read all the books but this feeling is still very much a part of life. I want to give you the normalization and the reassurance that no matter how much work you do on yourself or try to evolutionize yourself and raise your vibrational level of energy, we all have triggers. All of us are going to have things that set us off. The difference is we need to recognize that we are feeling our emotions in that moment, but we don’t need to stay there. 

At that moment the only thing I could think of was to have an emotional reaction and find a bag of cookies, or a glass of wine. I was looking at ways to cope that were negative. Instead, I decided to make myself a cup of tea, relax outside for awhile and listen to the rain. After that I put myself to bed because tomorrow would be a new beginning. Yesterday’s disagreements don’t need to bleed into your present and take your day away. In this moment, we need to try and come from a place of forgiveness. Do we still need to have a discussion about what happened yesterday? Absolutely. The underlying meaning here is that even the best relationships are going to have struggles here and there. These struggles are not going to break your relationship, they are going to teach you how to communicate with one another. Being silent about how your feeling and not having a conversation will not help your relationship. You won’t know what’s going on with the other person and you won’t know how to adjust yourself to make sure that it’s running the way you want it to.  

> Take The Divorcing Gracefully & Beyond Quiz Here To Find Out If You Are Ready For Your Ideal Relationship.

What I realized when I put myself to bed was that I needed to release myself from that situation in that moment. Tensions were high and taking a step away to decompress is ok. We will definitely have a conversation about it today, but the key factor here is to realize that in your work of self-actualizing and it’s not always going to be a bed of roses.

To appreciate the rose, we have to learn to deal with the thorns. 

Don’t destroy a relationship because of a disagreement, learn how to communicate in a healthy and effective way. This will be your saving grace. During our argument, my husband raised his voice to me. At that moment, I felt attacked and that my feelings were being dismissed. This raised automatic triggers within me of my past relationships. My ex-husband would emotionally withdraw from me and there was zero communication. When I don’t feel heard it causes me to escape the chaos. The argument isn’t about the trivial thing we had been discussing, it was about me in my own feelings. Had I looked at the situation in a practical way, without emotions, I could have rephrased and asked that he and I both take a step back. We could have looked at the situation logically and I could have had a chance to explain that I am trying to convey one thing and what I think he’s hearing or interpreting is another thing. 

Relationships are work, but what we need to remember is that it’s not only working to stay in the relationship, it’s also made up of the work we do on ourselves as well. You can do this, just take it one step at a time. 

> Join The Divorcing Gracefully & Beyond Bootcamp And Get The Tools You Need To Handle Stressful Situations.