The pain of the past, especially the pain felt by divorce, is shrouded with trauma. Trauma from shock in the relationship, manipulation by a partner, betrayal, or crushed dreams from a marriage that simply didn’t work out. The emotional gravity in these types of situations creates a huge impression in the way we think and our biology.
By the time everything is said and done at the end of the divorce, you have been conditioned within that time to feel ‘less than’. You have been perceiving yourself as not worthy, told yourself something wasn’t possible, or tolerating behaviors just to “keep the peace”. Some of us may have used this as a way to self-sustain the last few years before everything ended with divorce. You have become so programmed by the time the divorce is finalized that you accept crumbs of life. If you don’t take the time to do the work on yourself, and try to jump from one relationship to the next, you will not have changed your vibrational frequency and will continue to attract that same type of energy. In the moment of you trying to quickly jump into another relationship you are still sad, full of grief, and unsure of yourself.
If like attracts like, you’ll only be attracting people within that same energy level. These are the men that are not going to be at that high value system that you would like. You’re attracting your ex-husband 10 times over. If you don’t want to continue on this path then you need to make the choice to do the work on you first.
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Don’t Date For a Year
One of the key principles that I teach is: Don’t Date For a Year. While some may not agree with this, my reasoning is taking a pleasant pause to heal is going to help you in the long run. In this time you can focus more on you and really figure out what your strengths are. Whether you were the one to ask for the divorce or not, taking this time for yourself is an opportunity to look back and understand what your responsibility in all this was. What were some of the things you could improve upon? Or what do you feel you did really well? The key here is to give your past a funeral. Take the things that served you the most and bring them forward, then take the things that hurt you and leave them behind.
My philosophy is not to look at ourselves and the things we did as right or wrong, but to analyze what will serve us and what will not. Let go of the things from the past that hurt you and carry with you, into the future, the things that served you in the best way possible. This way YOU are the one creating your new future and becoming a new person because of it. You’ll need to change the way that you have showed up in the past for life, that’s not you anymore.
When you are stuck focusing on the pain, your brain freezes the frame and takes a snapshot of the event. This causes new neurological pathways to keep reminding you of that event in time. For example, say you meet a man who says something like your ex or you smell something that reminds you of that snapshot. You become immediately triggered and start to experience the same problems or issues you did with your ex. You have attracted someone who is vibrating at the same energy level you are at right now and will become a snapshot of your past.
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Reprogram The Way You Think
Learning to create new neural pathways that are not rooted in your past will allow you to move on to your next relationship coming from a loving space. What you focus on the most is what you will bring about, for example, if you can’t stop thinking about your sadness and pain about the past all of your tomorrows will look exactly like that.
It’s time for you to break those old neural pathways and create new neural networks. You can do this by placing your attention elsewhere. Centering yourself on the past is allowing that other person to hold you emotional hostage, which I call Emotional Terrorism. You give away all your power, grace and energy to someone outside of you.
You want to harness that vital energy and create a new future, a new destiny, health, wellness, abundance, and expansion. It starts with forgiveness and true forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone, or accept that justice wasn’t served. True forgiveness means you are choosing to break an emotional charge or energetic bond from that person or painful event in your past. From this you are leaving that situation with only a memory, and a memory without emotion is called Wisdom.
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Lower Your Emotional Charge
When you’re able to break that emotional charge and cut the cords with that person you can now let the universe and God take care of it. Make a shift to focus on yourself and your future. So many people miss out on an opportunity to attract their soulmate, not because they can’t find them or they aren’t out there, it’s because they keep operating in their past energy. They keep bringing their ex-husband into their new relationship and repeating that same toxic thinking and recreating it in their new relationship. If you want to attract your ideal soulmate, you need to show up with a new set of tools and a new way of seeing things. You’ve got to draw the line in the sand and get rid of the things that are not serving you anymore. Give those things a funeral and say goodbye. Start moving forward into your future and step into forgiveness. Learn to embrace the abundance of the future. If you never take that step, you’ll always be weighted down by the past.
The good news is this doesn’t have to take years. All you need to do is bring your body back into a safe zone and be one in the present moment. When you lower that emotional charge within your thoughts that keeps reliving the negativity, you are able to free yourself from that emotional mind you were before. You’re no longer operating in a state of survival, you are operating in a state of creation. This is the beginning of your reconditioning, you are reprogramming your mind to see what’s possible in your future.
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Find Your Exact Soulmate
What’s also critically important is that you BE SPECIFIC. Don’t just say, “I just want to attract my soulmate.” You want to be as clear as possible. Work on who you are and what you hold dear. This includes getting clear on your value systems: How do you want to show up? What did you learn from the past? How did you learn from your divorce and what can you take from that and apply to your future?
And then get specific on your potential soul mate: What’s really important to you in a partner? What does he look like? What type of job would he have? What type of value system does he have? What type of person is he? Is he someone who has close friends? Does he honor his word? Is he trustworthy? Is he honest? Do you see yourself traveling with him? Do you see yourself retiring together?
You need to become as detailed as possible in creating this future soulmate. If you’re just throwing out general statements about what you want in your life, you’re not going to get an exact soulmate of a person who is perfect for you. Don’t make and repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Be specific and avoid putting yourself at risk of entering into a relationship only to find 10 years down the road that you married your ex-husband.
This is your chance to liberate the toxic energy of the past. Increase your vital energy and create a new future for yourself and for your family. Everybody on this planet has a chance to change their energy and raise their vibrations. By stepping into your new self and releasing the toxicity of the past, you increase your energetic level of vibration and attract new people, new things, and new opportunities. Your soulmate will literally appear to you out of nowhere. You will look at him and say, “I can’t believe you’re here with me!” “I can’t believe this happened!” He’ll say the same thing because you took charge of your emotions and your negative self talk to attract exactly what you wanted from the universe.
Don’t stay shrouded by your past any longer and start creating your future.